I think that about covers it.

~Thank You~ for taking all the time to answer me. I think I got enough answers where I'm not seeing any "new" info anymore.

So I know what to so about the anesthesia and I understand about feeling tugging/pulling. I understand recovery. I understand when I can breastfeed (and really, not afraid of not bonding or not breastfeeding - that's always happened for us. Even after a vaginal birth, I only have baby for like an hour and then baby is taken away for a few hours, so I can deal.) I understand when I get to eat and drink. I understand my restrictions. I understand pooping afterwards can be a big deal. I understand I should get up as soon as I can and to take my pain medications.

The thing I do ~not~ like is the fact my husband will be in charge of the baby while I could be hours in recovery. NOT that I mind him having the baby first. I have absolutely ~no~ issue with this. None at all. I think it would be great for him to get the experience of "bonding first". Being a breastfeeding mother, I get to feel this wonderful thing with the baby (that makes it sound like I think formula feeding mothers don't bond. Totally didn't mean it like that.) and I see nothing more special for him to get to hold and even feed (if necessary) the baby first. It's okay.

But here's the thing. My husband is what you would call a Mamma's boy. He's an only child and his mother treats him as an only child. Still, to this day, he's the most important thing in her life. Which, I get. I do. I wish they both didn't fit into this stereotype, but I also knew what I was getting into when I married him. It wasn't some secret I had pounced on me after the wedding.

I come from a large family that simply isn't that close. I talk to my mom and dad all the time, sure, but I feel they are part of our "extended" family and Tom feels his parents are part of our "immediate" family. So things are hard for me, as they are hard for him. For instance, holidays, to me, are for immediate family. So for Tom, this includes his parents without a second thought. For me? I feel somewhat "intruded" upon. IE: Christmas. I think Christmas, now we have children, should be spent at home. I feel we should wake up and have our immediate family have Christmas morning together, alone. After a small celebration alone, I welcome extended family with open arms. Tom, on the other hand, wants to wait for his parents to come over to start any celebration. It's a small issue with us but we try to accommodate one another. I'm opening up to traveling for Christmas half the time, but the other half, I want "my" Christmas. But his parents simply are coming here. Like I said, I welcome them totally. They really are awesome in so many ways, but I still want a special time with just my husband and children. I don't even need to have an entire Christmas morning alone - but maybe the Santa presents alone with us. Then they are welcome. Tom is having a hard time understanding this, but he is at least accepting I feel differently.

Now that is explained, having him "in charge" of who gets to see the baby while I'm in recovery has me a little anxious. I have already told him I want him to keep everyone (including my family) away until I get my time. It makes me what to burst out and cry to think of anyone except Tom and medical staff spending any amount of time with the baby before I get my turn. And I know Tom. He'll be ~so~ proud and of course will want to share this moment with the people who mean the most to him.

And here is where I explain what I'm actually anxious about. If his mother does get to cuddle with my son for a good amount of time before me, I may hear about it for the rest of my life. Now, I don't think she does things like this on purpose, but she tends to bring up things that "hurt" me time and time again for years and years (because she thinks it's funny, not to actually hurt me). For example - She showed me a ring of her mother's one time. When she brought it out, she herself used a tone like she thought it was too much (like 15 large diamonds all grouped together). She made it seem like she thought this ring was just too much and looked for my agreement. So I stupidly said I agreed it was, in fact, "gaudy". But I thought I was only agreeing with her. Yes, my mistake. But apparently she loves this ring and now, for the last 10 years, every time she wears it, she tells everyone in the room how I called this precious ring "gaudy". I think she thinks it's just funny and doesn't know it hurts my feelings. I've tried to explain, but she hasn't gotten it. Nor does my husband defend me (not because he won't defend me, but he just doesn't see it how I see it. If I point it out to him, he'll be understanding of me feeling bad and he'll apologize and hug me and try to make me feel better, but bringing it up to her isn't something he'd do. It's part of the dichotomy between ~their~ only child and mother relationship.) So, back to baby. If she gets baby "first", I may hear about how she got the baby first, well, forever. She'll be proud to have had this special moment and she'll want to share it. But since it's something which is so important to me, it'll sting my heart to hear about it.

You see my issue now? I don't want to put my husband in an awkward position. I know not to put my husband in a power struggle between me and his mom. Yes, he would not put his mom before me in something I feel is important to me - he is married to me, not his mom - put it would bother him to have to do. I try take into consideration how important his mom is to him, so I normally wouldn't ask him of something of this nature. Nor is it something I have ever had to deal with as my mom would never even think to ask to hold the baby before me. His mom would simply expect to have this role and wouldn't see anything wrong with it. And really, I'm not saying there is anything wrong with it, it's just ~different~ than how I was raised. We simply grew up in differently. My parents raised me in a very "let her go and let her live her life" way and although they allowed him to be very independent, they were also very involved. So where I feel smothered, Tom simply sees a family that loves him. This ideology is very hard to explain to him because he just does ~not~ understand why I wouldn't want to have more LOVE from family. But to me, it's not about not wanting love, it's not that at all. As much as he sees "his way" as a good thing, I need him to see "my way" as a good thing. Maybe a compromise can be made in that ~if~ I get to have baby for a time right after birth, he can bring them in to introduce them for a few minutes. Just because I have a different way of feeling about this, I know it doesn't mean I need to get my way 100% either.

I'm very lucky to have parents of my own who I think rule and to have in laws who are so awesome. I know this. But as with any situation, it's usually not perfect. We'll work through it though. This situation is just going to cause me a lot of anxiety.