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The title says it all. I think allowing anyone to have a home birth these days is an utterly ridiculous concept. Midwife assisted or not, to me, it's simply too risky.

Okay, okay - I know I've already pissed off many people. But it's my opinion. If you are one of the people who got pissed off, think of it this way - you think it's ridiculous so many women have hospital births, right? Well, I feel the exact same way, we're just opposite. One of those "I'll have my opinion, you have yours."

But this is my space to rant and rave if I want to, so I'm going to throw down my opinion.

I understand there is way too much medical intervention with births now. Most women just have too much interference, c-sections, etc. But ... it's their choice. They could have gone to a birthing center and requested a natural birth with the assistance of positioning, water, walking, whatever. Just because it's a hospital doesn't mean you will be strapped down to a board to allow the medical staff do whatever they want to you.

I also understand how a home birth can be the most personal experience ever. You are totally in charge. You can birth your own child into a bathtub. You can play music and light candles and bring your baby into the world however you want to. I definitely see the magic in this situation. And it's something you really just can't get at most hospitals. I get this. I do.

What I do not get is why anyone would put their child are risk. For the purpose of this post, I did a bit of research and looked into some professional medical studies. These are random stats I pulled from medical sources, so I am not saying these are the be-all-end-all statistics. But for sake of what I'm talking about, it's good enough.

Note: I was very careful to not use any statistics from "pro home birth" or "anti home birth" groups, because their data is skewed. For instance - one pro home birth group mentioned more babies died during birth by a physician than a midwife. But what's not taken into account is high risk babies are usually not delivered by midwives, and have been referred to a physician from the beginning. Midwives tend to deliver mostly healthy, low risk pregnancies, so this is always something to think about when looking at pro-anything sites and statistics.

~ Women who gave birth at home had fewer procedures, inductions, epidurals, drugs, episiotomies and c-sections than the women in hospitals. (um, "duh"?)
~ There are 40% more complications for unassisted births.
~ .025% of babies die during (or immediately after) birth at hospitals.
~ .125% of babies die during (or immediate after) home births.

Did you catch the last 2 statistics? FIVE times more babies die from childbirth at home than in the hospital. In googling, I was appalled how many babies died from drowning at home water births. There were pages and pages of results. Then there were the cord issues and baby getting stuck in birth canal and breech babies dying during delivery. These are all normal risks any woman takes when giving birth, but the bottom line is - it is usually caught faster. And if something has to be done, like an immediate c-section where you have only 2 minutes to get the baby out alive, being ~in~ a hospital is going to give you that chance of getting your baby out alive.

I understand the risk of fetal demise during birth is low. With numbers like .025% and .125%, the chances you'll have a live baby are 99.975% and 99.875% respectively. Personally, I just couldn't chance it.

How could I live with myself if my baby died from a result of wanting a home birth? In one of the
results I read from my google search on home birth references, I read that in choosing home birth, one of the prerequisites is having a partnership strong enough to be able to live through fetal demise without blame in the process or one another. Wow. But it makes sense. If your baby dies at the hospital, you are probably going to be full of blame at the hospital and/or staff. But if your baby dies from a home birth, you are not going to have anyone to blame but one another, so this particular home birth group discusses this before hand. Quite smart actually.

I do feel compassion for the women who want to have their own birthing experience. I do get how so much is taken away from the experience when at a hospital. Even if you have a strict birthing plan, docs and nurses do tend to push for all kinds of medical things. The only way you can ensure you will be listened to 100% is to have a birth away from these people, which then you are risking your baby's life. Ugh. I guess I would just try to go to a birthing center where the rooms try to give you the feel of home. No medical type beds. No medical equipment. It tries to imitate what your own home would feel like, allowing you to bring in anything necessary. The problem is these types of centers are not available everywhere.

For those choosing a home birth despite the risks, I say good luck. 99.875% of you will have a newborn in your arms after having the perfect birth experience, which is the experience ~you~ got to choose. I just wish .125% of you won't have to fall into the other side of the statistics. The unfortunate truth is there will be a group who will end up empty handed. 1% of all births in the US are home births. With about 4,000,000 births every year, home births account for 40,000 births. 50 of these babies will die. If these 40,000 babies were born in a hospital, 10 babies would have died. 40 mothers would have been able to bring their babies home instead of making funeral arrangements.

What I am about to say doesn't really fit into my post here, since I'm focusing on a the risk of fetal demise instead of delving into all the reasons why a mother would want to have a home birth. But when I discussed this topic on the "pregnancy after infertility" website yesterday, this 'argument' was brought up. When speaking of unassisted childbirth, "women have been giving birth without a hospital since the beginning of time" has been used as a reason. True. But did you know the infant mortality rate in 1800 was 50%? And the maternal death rate was 1%? In 1900, the infant mortality rate was down to 30% and the maternal mortality rate was .9%. Today, the risk of dying at birth is .025% for the 99% of hospital births and .125% for home births. And the maternal death rate is .0011%. Why do you think this is? Because we continue to do the things we did at the beginning of time? Or maybe it's because of medical advances. Hrm, I just don't know what answer is the right one.

I had OB appointment #11 today and had quite a shock. I gained 8 lbs in 6 days!! Awesome, eh?

Here is the reason for the enormous weight gain though:


Check out them "ankles"! I have to put the word in quotes because I think they are my ankles, they just look nothing like what ankles should look like. I usually have these things called bones sticking out the sides, but they have gone missing. And check out those fat rolls on the tops! I literally have creases from the rolls - and I haven't been wearing socks - only slip on shoes all day. My toes are starting to swell too - soon they'll look like little snasauges if it continues!

oooo - I should submit my picture to a foot fetish website, eh? They are so hot.

~ My weight as of last week (35w) was +11 lbs from bfp, adding the 12 lbs from ivf/fet = 23 lbs total.
~ My weight as of this week (36w) is +19 lbs from bfp, adding the 12 lbs from ivf/fet = 31 lbs total!!

Rad. I can't tell you how hyped I am! So. My blood pressure is still up at 135/82. Top is lower and bottom is higher, but we're still in "not too bad" range. Due to the swelling and headaches, I have to get PIH blood work (pregnancy induced hypertension) tomorrow and hold onto your hats girls, I get to do a 24 hour urine collection! Woohoo!!! My results will be in by the weekend or shortly thereafter, depending on when I can turn it in, and we'll deal with the results then or at my next appointment. Until then, I am supposed to rest as much as I can, try to keep my feet up - especially when really swollen, stay away from salty food (bye bye sunflower seeds!) and increase my water intake to at least 100 oz/day. I made my appointment a few days late for next wednesday (I hate having monday appointments) so I hope to have somewhat of a control on the water retention by then.

Everything else was good. Heartbeat was a little tricky to get because Karl was moving around so much, making us laugh. I often wonder how much the docs have to fake laughing along with the mothers - because this stuff must happen all the time. Squirmy babies just can't be funny to them after 25 years.

Tomorrow is blood work. Wednesday is NST/BPP #14 which will also be ultrasound #24. Wow. I have seen this little boy more than I've seen my boss in the past 12 years. After the u/s, we're off to Denver for New Year's Eve to see Flogging Molly play at The Fillmore and to stay in our hip fancy hotel - The Hyatt Regency. (fyi - priceline totally works. I bid on a 4 star hotel and got it $100 cheaper than the hotel itself quoted me on the phone.)

Time to go rest my ankles. Bah. Who am I kidding? Time to go clean the kids' room.

It's 2:58am and I just got done with the kids' room. I posted about it and put up pictures on the other blog (listed in my profile).

This poll is for anyone who is or has been pregnant. Due to you can only select one answer, here are the rules ...

The poll is on the VERY BOTTOM of the right column. Just skip past everything to find it.

Question is ... For those pregnant directly from treatments what was the treatment that ~got you pregnant)? Only check what the bfp cycle was, not everything you've tried. If you got pregnant treatment-less, there are two "none of the above" options in the second poll box.

1. If you have had treatments in both successful and failed pregnancies, answer for the successful one.
2. If you've had multiple successful pregnancies, answer for the one that had the "biggest" infertility treatment, which is defined by you.

I know some conditions "fall through the cracks" here, but just use your best guess to define the answer I'm looking for. Pretty much, I want to know what what the "biggest" or "hardest" or "most complicated" infertility treatment did you use to get your hardest to get BFP.

By the way, I left out surgeries and procedures because that's not a 'get you pregnant' treatment. It could have certainly gotten your oven ready, but I won't say it's any of the 4 uterine surgeries that ~got~ me pregnant.

UPDATE - I answered questions in the comments AND I added another poll for more available answers. And I changed the rules to allow some "none of the above" options for those who didn't have treatment BFPs to still answer.

(topcat - this title is dedicated to you. Why? Because you asked ~"who talks about walking around naked but you" and now the question can be ~"who talks about having dirty panties?" And yes, that would be me.)

I just went made a post christmas excursion to the mall so I could pick up a new belly button ring. My belly piercing hole needed some room to stretch beyond the distance provided by the horseshoe I had in. I tried to put in a slightly curved barbell I had, but it was too short, pinching my skin in the end of the screw, so a new one was needed pronto. Instead of being a good girl and picking up the jewelry and going home, I decided to take a stroll.

Bad move. I bought two pairs of winter crocs for the girls (which I think are so ugly, but my kids love them, so I make them happy). I bought myself a new pair of ralph lauren sunglasses at sunglass hut (damn, they are cheaper online!). I bought a bunch of 2009 calendars at that weird calendar temporary store you find at any mall. I bought a cool wind chime minus the chime thingy at coach gifts. I bought two gooey cookies and an orange soda at the cookie place in the food court. And then I made the mistake of stopping in Gymboree. There was a huge bin sale with freaking ~awesome~ deals and I got karl some stuff, but I went in the back and saw the new (aka full price) line. It's monkey themed. Ugh. So I got 2 items which probably cost more than the huge bag of sale stuff I got.

And how does dirty panties work into this shopping spree? During my gymboree shopping, I felt something. Something weird. Something possibly wet. I excused myself to go visit the restroom. Low and behold - I think I have lost my first piece of mucus plug. Jeez, can they have a worse name for that? Regardless of how gross it is, it's the first time in any pregnancy I have seen it. I was closed up tight until 39 weeks with both the babies, so this could be good news. It could mean I'm dilating the teeniest bit. It could mean my cervix is starting to soften. I was woken up all night with contractions (not painful, but pretty strong braxton hicks contractions) so maybe maybe maybe. I still have to let this little man cook for at least another week, but I may actually have progress by my first internal at 38 weeks.

So "yay!" for dirty panties!

I had a night full of weird dreams. Apparently I wanted to buy a shark. A great white. They come live from the store but I think I wanted to eat it or something, because I was worried I wasn't going to be able to slaughter it correctly. It ended up costing too much though - $500.49 for the shark itself, but then I was going to have to hire a tribe of indigenous people (indigenous to where, I'm unsure) to perform a ceremony on the shark before I would be able to purchase it. I decided that was just too much to spend and I passed.

The dream was also part nightmare, as someone was trying to "get" me in the classic way my dreams always go (I'm in the house and know someone is trying to get in, but I can't see them nor stop them. Then the lights go out and I can't turn them back on, so everything is in shadows.) It took place in my parent's house - the one they had while I was in Jr High and High School, as the venue of where many of my dreams take place. Another recurring theme was I tried to make something to eat, but all the food in my parent's kitchen was rotten.

It had new elements too. One was I had to wipe Allison's butt in the bathroom which was mine in jr high and high school, except the inside of the bathroom was totally different. I couldn't get her clean so I put her in the bathtub. While she was in the bathtub, Tom's late grandmother came in and she looked ~so good~ (she had been going downhill for years before her death, so we saw the progression of death) and she said something that now is VERY weird. She said "Sometimes all you need is a hot bath and a vicodin to make everything better" - meaning that's what she just did to make herself look and feel so good.

Why is that weird?

Because of this post from The Captain's Wife. It was something I read last night and for some reason, I dreamt about it. But that is NOT what was weird. I bring in my reality into dreams all the time. The weird thing was this ... if you would read the comments for my last post about grammar, She dreamed about MY post last night too. Neither of our posts were anything exciting enough to dream about, but we both dreamt about eachother's words. How fucking strange is that??

Warning for anyone who may stop by my house ... (laurel, i guess this only applies to you). I'm on a naked kick. The kids are out of the house and I've been naked since yesterday afternoon. I am wearing panties as I don't think anyone should be sitting around on their furniture on bare asses. Laurel and her husband are those types of friends who never need to knock, even when coming unannounced. They can just walk right in. And they will be in for a little more than they bargained for if they walk in now. I'm trying to make sure the door is locked, but Tom uses the front door too, so I can't guarantee it.

It all started because I put some lotion on. I ended up taking off everything to get the full body slather going on and due to the lotion being a thick cream, I didn't put my clothes back on right away. And then I realized how great it feels to be naked. And there you have it. I'm a born again nudist. (I guess I'm not actually a nudist since I wear panties, but close enough for me, so I'm going with it.) I used to walk around naked all the time when I moved out of my parent's house, into my boyfriend's apartment. But I think I did it more then to just constantly tease him with my bold nakedness. And that I was a little self conscious due to my boy-like body, so I was basically forcing him to notice me. Now I'm doing it strictly for the comfort, as there is no compliments to fish for with a body like mine right now. Not that I think I'm ugly - I'm simply not "sexy" at the moment. I feel ultra feminine, but let's just say I'm not expecting to catch my husband's "omg, let's do it now" look from my naked spectacle.

(update - yes, I know I can check to have all follow up comments emailed to me. And I know I can go to their profile to get their email. I was just wondering if there was a setting somewhere that I could click an "email" option from the comment itself.)

Does anyone know of a setting or way I can respond via email to a comment left on my blog? I know other blog formats do this (wordpress maybe?) because I get email responses to comments I leave on other people's blogs. I would love to know because I have three problems.

1. I commonly ask questions when leaving comments. But I rarely remember which blogs, out of my 200 or so current subscriptions, I have left questions on. I know I can check the "email follow-up comments to ..." option, but then I would get an email for each comment left on that blog, not just the author's response to me (which, I might add, doesn't always happen when I DO remember to check later. Hint for bloggers - answer questions! Although I'm being kind of lame to request this because I'm admitting I don't always remember to go look for the answers.)

2. Pretty much the same issue as my first, but it's the other way around. When someone asks ~me~ a question, I always try to answer it in another comment, but since I know I have a problem with remembering to go look for answers to my own questions, I'm assuming others have the same issue.

3. Again, same issue, but this time it's with simple responses to someone's comment. I quite often respond with a follow up to some comments and have no way to tell the person I am responding to their comment besides physically going to their blog and letting them know about it. I would love to be able to just email them, like others do for me. Depending how important it is, I will go notify them via their blog or by going to their profile and finding their email, but many people don't have their email listed.

So - is there a setting for this or any way to accomplish this function ~without~ setting up a new blog somewhere else? Please let me know!

This is such an issue of mine. People who own dogs but don't act as if they even ~want~ them. We have some neighbors who live a few houses down behind us (open alley, so I can see into their backyard) who own two dogs. These dogs are ~always~ outside. Always. And the smaller of the two, a cute little black/brown chihuahua), constantly barks. Being an open alley and having a chain link fence, the dog gets to bark at just about every type of visual stimuli, which is awesome.

Now, I don't mind when dogs bark. They are dogs. If something is going on or someone is walking by their property, the barking doesn't bother me in the least bit. But if you are going to leave your dog outside to bark constantly, why own a dog? Dogs are pack animals and want to be with their pack. And unless your name is Cesar Millan, your dog's pack is probably your family. They want to be ~with you~, not outside in the backyard for every waking moment. I love the people who treat their dog as family, because that's how it should be. Dogs need outside time, sure, but just locking them in the backyard all the time? Ugh. That's horrible.

While I'm on my venting trip, can I please urge the entire internet to understand the difference between 'lose' and 'loose'? Hey, I'm not the smartest one on the planet. I'm far from it. And you all know I have some terrible grammar usage myself - I'll be the first to admit it. But hopefully I use the correct word for the one I'm going for. I just don't know why lose/loose seems to be the most misused word out there, nor why it bugs me so badly. It's probably because it ~is~ my pet peeve so it is simply blaring to me.

Lose is a verb. ie: "don't lose your keys!" or "I would really like to lose weight." After you lose something, it's lost.

Loose is an adjective. ie: "These pants are really loose on me" or "I really need to tighten this knob, it's too loose."

People rely too much on spellcheck is what it is. There should be some sort of am-I-using-the-wrong-form-of-a-word-check. That would rule. A homonym check. But I don't think lose and loose are actually homonyms. To be a homonym, they would have to have same sound and spelling, ie: bear (animal) and bear (carry). A homograph have the same spelling, but not necessarily the same sound, ie: read (present) and read (past). A homophone has same sound, may be spelled the same, but have different meaning, ie: to, two and too or muscle and mussel. So I guess lose and loose are just two different words that people just fuck up a lot.

Ha. I just was googling and found http://www.loseloose.com/ which quotes "If someone has referred you to this page, you've probably confused those two very similar words. Don't be a looser." ~giggle~. That's fucking hilarious. A little excerpt:

• You lose your job when you get fired for making silly mistakes.
• You don't loose your job unless you release it from a cage.
• You let your belt loose after Thanksgiving dinner.
• You let your belt lose when it races with your tie.

In thinking about this pet peeve of mine, it would really suck to have this issue. There would be no way for you to know if you are using the right word or not. Spellcheck is cool, so it lets it go and you would have no idea. Really? How would you know if you were using the wrong word? I just did a little search and came up with a list of the most common ones. Are you guilty of having issue with any of these? I know I screw up affect/effect all the time. Hrm, and maybe stationary/stationery.

• accept (receive)/except (leave out)
• advice (recommendation)/advise (recommend)
• affect (influence)/effect (result)
• angle (geometry)/angel (spiritual being)
• allude (suggest)/elude (escape, avoid)
• allusion (indirect reference)/illusion (something not there)
• born (given birth to)/borne (carried)
• cite (mention)/site (place)/sight (vision)
• cursor (computer marker)/curser (a person who swears)
• dessert (food)/desert (abandon/hot place)
• elicit (to draw out)/illicit (illegal)
• eminent (noteworthy)/imminent (impending)
• forth (forward)/fourth (after third)
• forward (to the front)/foreword (the preface to a book)
• gorilla (an ape)/guerrilla (a fighter)
• heard (through an ear)/herd (cattle)
• its (possession)/it's (it is)
• lose (misplace)/loose (not fastened)
• miner (of gold)/minor (a young person)
• principle (rule)/principal (main person)
• stationary (not moving)/stationery (what you write on)
• than (comparison)/then (time)

What words do you confuse? Or what words drives you nuts when other confuse them like my own lose/loose annoyance?