fashion deals

I was just sitting outside on the ~side~ of my house bagging some newspapers for recycling, complete with a clay facial mask on, and two adults carrying their little girl, no more than 18 months old, came up and said "trick or treat".

It's 10:45pm here people. And 39 degrees. Are you serious? Take your little girl home and put her to bed. It's just too late for free candy.

I did it!!! I danced in front of an entire room of people. I was terrified, yet once my music started, my body knew what to do. I think. Heh. On stage, I just went into auto pilot and I'm not too sure how well I even did.

The night kinda sucked in time wise. On of my best friend's and fellow blogger, Laurel, put on her HUGE yearly Halloween party last night. I was able to attend the party from 7p-9p, then I had to go to the venue. I was planning on going back to her house and come back when it was my time, but I was so nervous I took a few liquid courage shots and decided I shouldn't be driving back and forth with alcohol in my system. So while I was watching the show, waiting for my turn, I had massive guilt to not be there with my husband and friends.

The dance, however, was thrilling for me. I didn't take off the same amount of clothes as other girls, as many took off their pants to go to thongs or even a g string - I kept everything waist down on. And I dance to 80% of the song with my body mostly covered, I don't take my corset off until the last 30 seconds, even then, I just tease the audience with opening one side than another, then I turn my back to the audience while I drop it.

As soon as my dance was over (I was the LAST girl dancing!) we had a group number called "bombshell" and we danced to that and then had graduation. We got our little diploma, picture taken and then did a shot of jager in celebration. The audience was SO supportive and amazing. I guess it helped they were all liquored up by the time us newbies went on!

I didn't take any pictures of me in my burlesque costume, but I leave you with some I took of my Halloween costume. Me, Laurel and our friend Tina were the Sanderson sisters from Hocus Pocus. I'll post the pictures of the 3 of us together when I get them.

I was sarah jessica parker's character. Heavy makeup, fluffy shirt underneath corset and boobies popping out...




The bottom was red thigh highs and tall black boots, underneath a flowy purple skirt...




It was fun. Except I didn't get back to the party until ~very~ late (12:30am) but we had a babysitter until 3am. Yahoo!! I got up with the kids at 7am though. There is always a downside to staying up late when you've got kids - they don't recognize when mommy and daddy want to sleep in! So 6:45am was it!

Tonight's the big night.

It's Laurel's big halloween party AND it's my night to dance to my burlesque routine.

Woohoo!!!

I think I'm ready. Yay!

I just wrote another post on my other blog and I said "I know my audience". Yet I type the above title and write this post.

Jeez, I can barely get started because I'm wincing at all the "fuck you"'s I'm about to receive. So really, just stop reading if you are in the throws of IF. Stop. Really. You aren't going to want to read this.

I am having a really hard time reading pregnancy blogs right now. Especially the ones of the girls who was pregnant while I was pregnant with Karl.

I don't know what it is. Is it because I know I'm done? Or is it because Karl is starting to grow out of his babyness? Or is it because so many blogs I read are close to delivering? Or because so many blogs I read are just getting pregnant again? (yes, I know. I'm so sorry to even be typing these words.)

I'm trying to work out how I can get another baby "in" before I really say I'm done. Isn't that absolutely crazy? I'm freaking naturally "infertile" so I can't have a baby without IVF. And to top it off, I scarred, ON PURPOSE, the insides of my tubes "just in case".

I'm going insane.

It's just that since my circumstances have changed, I don't want to be done. If I'm going to be a stay at home mom (for now), I may as well have all the babies I "want". (go ahead - tell me to fuck off.). I don't want to stop and say I'm all done. I want to take it all back. I want to leave that door open. I can't believe I locked, and threw away, the key.

I'm jealous. I'm absolutely green with envy. Not at anyone in particular. Just with the fact it's a chapter closed for me. Although if I think about it, I'd rather give up my chance at another for someone else searching for their first. It's just such a good book that although I already read it, I want to read it again and again.

But it's over. And I have to get used to that fact. I succeeded with the three most beautiful children and I count each one of my blessings everyday, including today. I still can't believe I'm ending with what I set out for. I couldn't be happier. I do know that. It's just that, well, ugh. I don't know how to vocalize it.

(one last chance to tell me to fuck off.)

Having back and knee issues for years, I've gotten some cortisone injections in the past. This last injection was the first time a doctor mentioned anything about my cycle.

He said that cortisone is known to "mess with" your menstrual cycle. "Mess with"? I asked?, "How so?". He tried to answer me, starting and stopping a few times and then just said "Yes, it can be messed with."

I'm so glad he told me this as I just started a cd1 flow today. Thing is, it's only cd13!

So just a heads up to any ttc-ers out there who get cortisone injections - it definitely can "mess with" your cycle!

Do you know what the new header is a picture of? It's my elbow. My husband didn't even know that one. I showed it to him and he was all "Cool!" and I asked him if he knew what it was and he said "Nope." I guess I can't fault the guy, I mean, how many people really look at your elbow?

Today is Wednesday and my burlesque dance is Friday. Tomorrow if full dress rehersal. I have not only NOT gotten a dance together (a lot is in my head, but I don't have a routine) but I haven't even finished my costume. Tomorrow is my day "off" as I'll be alone all day, so I plan to work from 10a-3:30p on my dance. I'm sure I'll get something together. I mean, what else can I do? This is how I work though. I'm a procrastinator and I work the best under stress. Although I hate that I purposely put my body through stress.

Jenn found the youtube video of us dancing to Thriller here. (Thanks Jenn!) It was dark, so you can't see much, but I'm on the left and behind Hazel (the girl wearing the huge blonde afro wig). I'm wearing my hair in a ponytail and you can kindof make it out. Heh. It was so much fun.

It's snowing right now. I'm going to pull out my costume and as least maybe get the sewing done on it so I don't totally freak out. I've got tons of sequins and beads to glue/sew on, which can be done friday during the day. If I just get the main costume together and work on my routine today/tomorrow, I'll be okay. The best thing about the dance is I am spending ~most~ of my time taking off clothes. So if I can just memorize the parts I need to hit with the removals, I can just fill the in betweens with sexy dance, which I think I can do on the fly. Or not. We'll see how silly I end up looking! :)

I have nothing really blog worthy in my head, but I wanted to get that last post off the top. We're in the midst of October's ICLW and just didn't want that one there anymore.

Hrm.

My favorite color is orange. What's your favorite color?