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Seems Jenera knows how to do it.

If you, as a commentor, has chosen to hide their email in their profile, I do ~not~ get it in the notification in my email, so I can ~not~ email you back. BUT, if you do NOT hide your email, I DO get your email and I CAN email you back!

So, If you ~want~ to have bloggers have the ability to email you back from your comments through their own email notifications, (~pretty please?~) Go to your dashboard, click on "Edit Profile" and then click the checkbox to "show my email address".

Yes, it will show your email in your profile, but it will allow people to actually get in touch with you! What a marvelous concept, no? And heck, if you don't want your "real" email to be out there, set up a blogger email just to get blog email! Come on, you know you want to!

Here is me telling Karl all about how to do it. He's totally going to change his settings. He was quite surprised at first, but I've managed to convince him.

So.

I setup being notified, via email, for every comment I receive. I setup a little inbox for all the mails and everything. This way, I thought I could email someone back when they asked me something in a comment very easily.

BUT ...

Most comments, even from logged-in bloggers, don't have a return email in my notification. Just no-reply@blogger.com or something of the like. SOME people have their email in the notification, but just a handful.

Argh! I looked all through the settings and I can't find anything. Does anyone know if it's a setting of mine or the commentor which allows their email to be part of their comment?

Few pictures displaying the newest of my ink. Just starting to color it in - got lots of sessions left to go.

The back of my arm, the reed's starting to get their super green color. The blue is the end of the dragonfly. The top uncolored piece is the flower bud.


Better view of the dragonfly. The wings are nowhere near to being finished, but since they are supposed to be translucent, we have to do it in stages.


The inside of my arm. See how pretty the bud is all orange?


We still have that flower to do, the wings to finish and all the background. Lots more work. Lots more hours sitting for him. But ~awesome~ so far!

which Morgan asked of me in the last comments. This is something I struggled with myself and when I figured out the answer, I felt almost a "duh" moment and maybe others may feel the same feeling. Therefore I feel I should try to share it with others in hopes it may help.

Her comment was "... now that Mason is here I still want more children but something inside of me is saying "would it take all the attention off him?".."would it be unfair to Mason to not be my one and only?"..."would he get jealous and not feel as loved?".....I know all of these things sound silly but the love I have for him is SO strong I don't know if I could share it fairly, does that make sense? Did you ever feel that way after your first?"

MANY mothers feel like this when thinking of another child. But this is what I think many don't think about ... Why is #1 so special?

Really. I've heard the argument of waiting for #2 a certain length of time to ensure they get enough mommy alone time, but #2 (and all others) ~never~ get "alone time" with Mommy and Daddy. Somehow I feel this is always skipped when thinking about having more children - whether it's getting alone time or if attention/love would be taken away from the first.

Think of it not as #1 losing out on anything, but what #2 should be gaining. Why would anyone want to ensure #1 gets 2 years sole time with mommy when #2 would NEVER get sole time? Wouldn't you want to have another baby as quickly as possible so #1 wouldn't get special treatment over #2? Think about saying this to your second child ... "We waited a few years to have you because we wanted to be sure Timmy felt special having one on one time with Mommy and Daddy, even though you, Billy, always have had to share our love." See? When you think about it that way, the whole worrying about #1 losing out seems just silly. Anything you'd think #1 was losing out on is saying #2 doesn't get in the first place.

There is a separate worry parents have which can't be thought of this way, which is the whole "How can I love another child as much as I love my first?" And that answer is simply "You will." Love has no end and it will just continue to expand. Your first won't get less love as you make room for your second. In fact, your love for your first will even expand as you get to see your first in another light - as a sibling.

If you don't want to have another baby because you don't want your child to ever have to share your time, I can understand that. I've seen many parents want only one because they want their first to have everything given to them alone (time, attention, resources, etc) without ever having to share. But one thing they would never have to share if there was a sibling is your love. I promise - there is always enough love to go around.

I don't really want another baby. I mean, I do, but I don't. I love my babies and I know I would always love to have more, but I know I'm done. I will miss it all - all the good and all the bad.

If I was younger, maybe we could have another. If we made more money, maybe we could have another. Although I agree with being done, it saddens me beyond belief to really be faced with being done.

I'm just having a hard time wondering what that "next crusade" (in J's words) is going to be. I'm worried that I'm going to lose myself somehow in the world of parenting. I don't want my existence to be summed up in being my children's mom. Yes, they are the most important thing in my life, of course. But, I'm ~still~ nancy too. "Nancy" may be slightly lower in the hierarchy under "mom", but still pretty fucking important. And these titles move back and forth as children grow. When mine are all "gone" out of the house, I certainly don't want the only part of me left being the "mom" title - what would i do with myself?

You know, I use quotation marks totally wrong grammatically. But I use them more for enunciation than how they are supposed to be used. Same way I use tildas. Kindof. Just looked at the last paragraph and wanted to let you all know I'm not a grammatical dumbass. :)

There. I said it.

I won't get one of course. My husband doesn't want any more. We couldn't afford any more. I switched back to my old insurance which doesn't cover infertility treatments and I doubt I'd be able to conceive w/out ART. And I have almost died twice now, no one wants me to push that.

I'm beyond lucky. I have three beautiful children. Can I even consider myself infertile now?

So what I spent 39 cycles of my life ttc, succeeding "only" 3 times. A 7% success rate isn't that great, but as I look around me - it's ridiculously great. So what I've spent $10 grand ttc karl and maybe $2k ttc Ella? What's $12,000 for three babies? (except to the 88% of fertiles out there who spends ~nothing~ at all. Well, maybe some cash for a few hpts or opks.) What's 4 surgeries? What's a case of ohss? So what I filled my body with all kinds of fertility drugs? So what that I find clomid akin to aspirin now and roll my eyes when someone is all upset for having to "resort to" clomid? So what I had a monitored mock IUI cycle? What's 3 full IUIs? What's one IVF cycle where I had ET cancelled the day before ER? So what I went through one FET cycle?

I conceived. Three times. I have a full family. Does the unwanted initial title of "infertile" go away now? Obviously the bitterness doesn't go away. And this is something an infertile who hasn't conceived yet or someone who has decided to live childfree will most likely answer "no, you are not infertile". And only someone who has gone through IF and has (finally) conceived will be more apt to answer "once infertile, always infertile".

Is it my once infertility what is making me want another baby? Is it that I'm not wanting to give up the fight? Does winning 3 battles of 39 make me feel like the war is won? (The answer is a firm "no".) Were my pregnancies so fucking important to me where I cherished every moment simply because of what I went through to get them? Do I want another baby because my infertility has made me (still) jealous as all hell to see a swollen belly?

TTC was such a huge part of my life and now it's over. It's almost like I don't know what to do with myself now. The big question of "when should we start to try again?" isn't being discussed. Instead, the question of permanent birth control is what we talk about. Permanent birth control. It can bring me to tears just thinking about it.

I'm retiring. And for some reason, it's taking me by surprise.

~ You girls know eden, right? She switched identities so I'm totally unsure of what to call her and babyboy now (eden, please email me with the correct answers), but she's one of the most beloved bloggers out there, one of the handful of girls (who should totally know who they are - J, C, P, etc) who I would literally drop everything and fly out to their house if they needed me. But she sent me a big box of her babyboy's clothes and when I dress karl in one of them, well, I feel this weird kinship. Weird because it's cool and I didn't know I could feel this way over some hand-me-downs. It just makes her more "real" to me. And that's fucking really cool.

~ Speaking of hand-me-downs, Jenn is going to *soon be receiving a very special package of Ella and/or Allie clothes. I am a ~freak~ about baby clothes. I'm a tad vain and don't buy anything cheap. Now, I don't mean cheap=inexpensive, but cheap=poorly made or material I don't find super soft. I'm also big on soft material and will feel everything before I buy. I RARELY buy anything at walmart, kohls, BRU because the material sucks most of the time. Which means, all my girls' clothes are baby gap or old navy. I also don't dig "baby" looking clothes, like ducks or teddy bears on them (for the most part, I do have some that are cute), instead, I like shrunken adult clothes. Most of the stuff I have are things I would wear if in my size. Lots of punk rock things and stuff like that. Of course I have tons of baby looking things too, but I'm trying to make a point here. Anywho, to make a short story even longer - I'm meticulous about cleaning the clothes and pitch things when stained. So all my hand-me-downs are in close to perfect condition and all packed away in storage in airtight containers. I am going to get down there soon (she's due in 62 days!) and pull together a package of my favorites for her little girl, caiden. I can only hope that when she dresses caiden in any of the clothes I send, she feels that same kinship I have for Eden.
* soon in NancyLand can be tomorrow or in 6-8 weeks.

~ I have to get on the ball and get some pressing things done. Seriously, I have a shitload of things to get done, but the tramatized birth experience followed by hardcore pneumonia at 2 weeks postpartum - the tasks have been piling up. They include the next few bullets.

~ Jendeis, from the blog Sell Crazy Someplace Else, won the baby pool for karl's birth and I promised an "insanely fucking fantastic" prize, which I plan to deliver. So Miss Jendeis, I need your address. Can you please email it to me? (email is in my profile).

~ Tori, from the blog The Winding Road To Parenthood, is also someone who I have something to send, yet I never followed through. Right when I was sending it, she stopped cycling but now she's in the midst of a new RE and the clomid challenge test to see if she can go through IVF#4 (her first 3 cycles were cancelled at various stages due to lack of response and other factors). So Tori, can you email me your address too?

~ Shit. I still have Pam's, from BloodSigns, little token gift I haven't sent. Shit, shit, shit. I got sidetracked when I found a book print to send her and never sent the original idea.

~ The Captain's Wife, from Staying Above the Water, is due today! She's being an awesome trooper and simply waiting without crying for an induction. Good girl. She sent me a baby gift and I want to return the favor, but damn it, she was on of "those" who didn't find out the baby's sex so I have to wait for the birth. But since I'm making my to-do list right here and now, I needed to add her here - although I am ~not~ late in sending anything. Well, I'm not late yet.

~ Baby announcements. I STILL haven't even ordered them yet. Wow, I suck. I didn't do xmas cards this year because I was sending out announcements instead. And here I am, 3 weeks later and nothing. I suck.

~ THANK YOU for all the comments so I can add you to my blog reader. I'll be doing that next, so you all have a new reader!

My blog is getting BORING. When was the last time I pissed someone off? When was the last time I was sarcastic? When was the last time I was thought provoking? Okay. I am making a deal with myself - time to get ~nancy~ back into her blog that isn't all baby-this or i'm-so -sick-that. I've missed her. Have you?