Tell me about your loss, your child.

Thank you, ALL of you, for commenting with suggestions as what to do about my friend's loss. So many of you were so helpful, going out of your way to talk to me about your personal experiences and it meant a lot to me. So thank you. I wish we didn't live in a world where people had to feel such pain, every story is still heartbreaking to me like it's the first time I hear of it. Maybe I've become more sensitive to it because I've walked side by side with so many of you and your losses or maybe it's because I know the joy that is a child so I can understand, albeit barely, how a loss can break your world.

M's and Charmedgirl's comments (and really, so many others too) stuck out to me in that asking the baby's name and talking about the child is so helpful. Acknowledging not only the tragedy, but the PERSON lost seems like it could be overlooked when the baby hadn't lived too long or at all in the "outside" world. When someone dies, we talk about that person. When a baby dies, we should do the exact same thing.

So, I wanted to ask all the mommy's out there who have experienced a loss to tell me about your baby(ies). Tell me their name. Tell me something about them - who he looked like, was she an active baby in utero, something, anything. I want to hear about your children. I know there are a lot of memorials out there and special days to remember your children, but I think any day is "special" when remembering someone lost and I would love it if I could use my blog today for thinking of all your special someones.


(As for my friend, we really weren't close, but were close enough I think she would accept my attention and help. I already sent her a sympathy card and I'm going to cook a lasagna today to just drop it off at her house. While there, I'm going to ask to see pictures of her son, which I have heard she took into work and showed him off, so I would love to see him too. While there, I'm going to offer to take her daughter to the zoo with my own kids next week - having a set day, she may take me up on it. So thank you for your suggestions. I really think the "can i do anything?" question, while nice, isn't helpful, as they aren't going to actually ask for anything. Instead, I'm just going to DO it.)

update - I called her. She welcomed the lasagna and said I can take her daughter for the day on Tuesday to give her some alone time.